My Last Day Before Drug Rehab Was A Nightmare
I had snorted some heroin pretty early in the morning, or late at night if we’re being honest. I only have a few spotted memories of that night, I was over someone’s place to party. I arrived to a mostly empty and filthy apartment with less than ten people there. I remember a hazy memory of shaking as I started putting money on the table near my dealer. There were a few twenties and a couple ones. I also remember taking out some change, quarters and pennies, and having my dealer laugh as he told me to put it back, what I gave was enough. I snorted some there and kept the rest in my pocket for later. I didn’t recognize the other people there, and after my high started waning, I started drinking. I blacked out after that, but I have bits and pieces of conversation with the other people in the apartment.
A Party I Don’t Remember, And A Drive I Won’t Forget
I don’t remember too much about what I did at that person’s apartment. But I do remember dressing myself early that next morning, a pile of clothes on some torn-up leather couch, while a man’s voice behind me asked me where I was going. I was shaking again and couldn’t wait to get home and get high again. I don’t know what happened, but I can make some guesses. I didn’t even care, I felt like zombie. I didn’t care what happened, who was there, where my dealer was, why I was undressed, or even where I was. I was like a robot, and I knew my next high would be at my apartment.
I stumbled out into the hall, out of the building, and my memory of the drive home is a bit clearer. I was in my 1997 Ford Taurus, a few hundred thousand miles on it and it had this awfully loud noise when it went over 40. That drive was so long. I felt like I was driving the length of California on that ride back to my apartment. I was still shaking when I held up my FOB to enter the building, and all I could think about was what I planned to do, how I planned to get high. I was so tired.
My Apartment Door Was Already Open
My apartment door was ajar, which was concerning, and it smelled strange, but I shrugged it off as that I needed to clean after I got high. The open door didn’t bother me, and I didn’t even close it before pouring white powder across my counter top. I snorted the rest that I had on me, and stumbled a few steps before flopping onto my torn-up leather couch.
After waking up, the pieces of the night started to come together, because I woke up on the couch staring outside my apartment door. The hallways looked familiar, and the strange smell was familiar. I saw a dozen or so bottles on the floor. A couple baggies were on the table. I started realizing what had happened. I threw a party, woke up after doing God knows what, and drove around the city before arriving back at my apartment. The reason I had saved some heroin was because I wanted to have some for after everyone left.
I didn’t have the energy to stand up to clean up, or even close the door. My heart was beating so fast in my chest, but my body wouldn’t move, like my body was a car in park while I kept my foot on the gas, my heartbeat out of control. My eyes were open halfway, maybe less, but I couldn’t sleep or stay awake. Still in this semi-high, semi-asleep state of undeath.
Why I Made The Call To Get Into Drug Rehab
I saw my neighbor walk into view, and briefly enter my apartment to close the door for me. I didn’t know my neighbor all that well, but I know he was a single father of two who had two very sweet daughters. The look on his face was disappointment. It is burned into my memory. He walked into view, and with a single glance of uneasiness, reached into my apartment, pulled the knob and slammed the door shut. I guess he didn’t want his daughters seeing what I looked like.
I slept for maybe four hours before I got a call, which jolted my now-sober brain awake. It was my boss asking me where the hell I was. It then occurred to me that I had gotten high on a Tuesday night, and now on Wednesday morning, I was too exhausted to even speak properly. I apologized, said I needed some time off, and that I would call back later. My phone still in my hand, I looked up “drug rehab” on Google. I needed help. This wasn’t sustainable.
That was the best decision I ever made.
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What I Learned In Drug Rehab Changed My Life
After calling, I got into a drug rehab that night. I spent a few weeks there, and during that time, feeling more awake and having more energy with each day. I was learning how to drop heroin, how to keep away from drugs outside of drug rehab. I got a new phone number and lost my dealer’s number. I blocked all my heroin friends on social media. I picked up new hobbies and found new ways to spend my time other than heroin binges.
After going to drug rehab, I spent time on myself, making amends with my family, and yes, I even got a new couch. I’ve never looked back. I’ll be five years sober on July 31st.
From that slump, laying on a couch realizing what had gone so wrong in my life, I thought drug rehab was my best hope, and it was. If drug rehab could help me from my zombified state, I know it can really help anyone. Thanks for reading, and if you’re struggling like I was, make the call! I promise, there’s nothing else like it.
Congratulate Tihana on 1,821 days sober!