This is a story of recovery submitted by a very good Friend of Aid in Recovery. It is a powerful story. We thank her for sharing…
It’s been over 24 hours since my last fix. A whole day has passed the last time I sucked up that beautiful, blue powdery substance through my nose. I was starting to feel those dreadful withdrawals, the tremors were setting in, and it’s starting to feel like there are vice grips on both sides of my head squeezing tighter and tighter. My head is ringing and everything has a deafening muffled sound to it.
I have tried every drug connection I had and either no one answered or they were completely out. I started panicking. A few more hours had passed and I started feeling like my body could jump right out of my skin at any giving moment. A few more hours passed; the horrid diarrhea and vomiting suddenly hit all at once, so you can only imagine my distress as I struggled to get out of bed to run to the bathroom. I was completely dope sick.
Another few more hours went by of this pure agony, then my phone went off! I struggled to get to it. I had to answer it! This was the magical call I had been waiting for, the call that would take away this sickness. I would at last, after what felt like eternity, get my fix!
The voice on the other end of the line would say, “I have 2 80 mg oxy for $40 a piece, you got the money?” To which I instantly replied, “I’LL TAKE THEM!”
Now comes the difficult part, the time I will have to try and keep it together well enough so that I don’t tell my boyfriend the same lie I did a couple days ago as to the reason why I need more money. So I decided to go with, “I have to pay the electric bill, we got another shut off notice.” That was one I have not used yet this month.
Within the hour I was off and running to a distant city, in the heart of the worse part of town, where all the drug dealers, hookers, and dope fiends hangout. I was on my way to get my fix, and I was the happiest, sickest addict in the world.
As soon as the oxys were in my hand, I didn’t wait until I got home, I would pull into the nearest gas station I could find, jump out of my car, ask for the restroom, and sit on the toilet backwards so I could use the tank of the toilet to set my “kit” on and start my process. Crush, separate into lines, and use my nose to suck it up like a vacuum. 10 minutes later, I would be back to normal… Well, my “normal.”
This would be my life for over 10 years. Every day, getting my fix, anxious of the unknown, whether or not I would be able to get high, most days I could, planning my events, or days around my high, sometimes too sick to take care of my own children for Heaven sakes! Jumping from house to house due to the last eviction notice cause I spent our rent money on drugs. Having to stay with my parents, or my boyfriend’s parents because our heat or lights got shut off, and making up yet another lie as to why? But it was ok, after all, I was high, and nothing else mattered…
My name is Gresha, I am a wife, mother of 4 beautiful children, daughter, sister… I AM AN ADDICT. Those are 4 words I never thought growing up that I would say, but I am. It happened to me and it happened to my family.
Approaching my 2 year sober anniversary, and as I look back on my life, my addiction, and what I put my family through. I get choked up, and still think “how did this happen to me?” Truth is, it can happen to anyone, anywhere, anytime. Addiction does not discriminate against race, religion, ethnic background, or how you were raised. Addiction shows no mercy.
Growing up, I always thought of addicts as people on the street corners begging for money, living under highway overpasses, and walking the streets in a stoned out dazed. Filthy parasites of society. Until I became one.
Growing up my childhhood was amazing. I lived with two parents, in a loving home. I lived in a small town with a close knit community. Both of my parents had good jobs and my brother, younger sister and I were well provided for. We never needed anything and a lot of times, if we earned it, we would get what we wanted. My parents taught us the values of good morals and values, and also that hard work will get you far in life. We were disciplined when bad and praised when good.
Some of my best childhood memories are traveling the Upper Peninsula in the Mitten State, Michigan, in our family motorhome we called “EDDY.” Camping in a different campgrounds every night, and swimming in Lake Superior and Lake Michigan with my brother and sister. I always thought of finding a man that loved me as much as my Dad loves my Mom, getting married and living in a huge house with a white picket fence in the country on a dirt road with a huge back yard. That dream and whatever dream my parents had for their first born daughter would soon become a living nightmare…
At the age of 15 I started experimenting with sex, drugs, and alcohol, and smoking marijuana would become an every day occurrence. I would flunk out of the regular high school and have to start an alternative school.
It wasn’t until at the age of 18, when I was a junior, I found out I was pregnant. I forced myself to straighten out during my short 6 month pregnancy. I went into labor at only 24 weeks along, and my little 1 pound 5 ounce baby boy would fight for 2 days, with myself and my family by his side, until he passed away in my arms. Burying my first born son, Austin, at the age of 18 would completely turn my life upside down and inside out. The only way I knew how to cope with this unbearable pain that I can’t even put into words? Drugs…
I want to tell you my story. My story of loss, Addiction, and how I reclaimed my life. Let me take you into my world and show you no matter how bad your own personal Hell can get, or how bad your own addiction can get, there is always a chance at recovery with the right help, resources and SUPPORT! Addiction is the Devil and if you don’t do something to free yourself from his clutches, he will keep on burning you; but, as Aid In Recovery say it, “Break the chains of addiction!” And YES we CAN!!
I have been at the moment of despair, denial, and anger. There have been times in my addiction that I would lay my head down at night in hopes to end this agony I was putting myself and my family through. There was a time that I was so tired and weak; I couldn’t bear to go on. But I realized that my family deserves better and MY LIFE IS WORTH IT! My children are worth having the best mother, and my boyfriend deserves to have a better life because soon, he will become my husband.
It was time I started trusting in God, the same God I was so angry at for taking my son, I started putting my faith and my life in his hands. I prayed for him to release me of my struggle and relieve my family of this burden. He gave me the strength to finally get clean and live the amazing life. My happy ending did come true; I am living with my now husband and kids! I am in recovery. It wasn’t easy, and I have ups and downs, but I did it and so can you!
I am here to help whether still sick with this disease or in recovery through my story of survival. Because we CAN RECOVERY!!!
God Bless you all, have faith and keep fighting, as I do every single day!