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Her Recovery Story



Story of Recovery - You are the writer of your own story.

This is a story of recovery submitted by a very good Friend of Aid in Recovery. It is a powerful story. We thank her for sharing…

 

It’s been over 24 hours since my last fix.  A whole day has passed the last time I sucked up that beautiful, blue powdery substance through my nose.  I was starting to feel those dreadful withdrawals, the tremors were setting in, and it’s starting to feel like there are vice grips on both sides of my head squeezing tighter and tighter.  My head is ringing and everything has a deafening muffled sound to it.

I have tried every drug connection I had and either no one answered or they were completely out.  I started panicking.  A few more hours had passed and I started feeling like my body could jump right out of my skin at any giving moment.  A few more hours passed; the horrid diarrhea and vomiting suddenly hit all at once, so you can only imagine my distress as I struggled to get out of bed to run to the bathroom.  I was completely dope sick.

Another few more hours went by of this pure agony, then my phone went off!  I struggled to get to it.  I had to answer it! This was the magical call I had been waiting for, the call that would take away this sickness.  I would at last, after what felt like eternity, get my fix!

The voice on the other end of the line would say, “I have 2 80 mg oxy for $40 a piece, you got the money?” To which I instantly replied, “I’LL TAKE THEM!”

Now comes the difficult part, the time I will have to try and keep it together well enough so that I don’t tell my boyfriend the same lie I did a couple days ago as to the reason why I need more money.  So I decided to go with, “I have to pay the electric bill, we got another shut off notice.”  That was one I have not used yet this month.

Within the hour I was off and running to a distant city, in the heart of the worse part of town, where all the drug dealers, hookers, and dope fiends hangout.  I was on my way to get my fix, and I was the happiest, sickest addict in the world.

As soon as the oxys were in my hand, I didn’t wait until I got home, I would pull into the nearest gas station I could find, jump out of my car, ask for the restroom, and sit on the toilet backwards so I could use the tank of the toilet to set my “kit” on and start my process.  Crush, separate into lines, and use my nose to suck it up like a vacuum.  10 minutes later, I would be back to normal… Well, my “normal.”

This would be my life for over 10 years. Every day, getting my fix, anxious of the unknown, whether or not I would be able to get high, most days I could, planning my events, or days around my high, sometimes too sick to take care of my own children for Heaven sakes!  Jumping from house to house due to the last eviction notice cause I spent our rent money on drugs.  Having to stay with my parents, or my boyfriend’s parents because our heat or lights got shut off, and making up yet another lie as to why?  But it was ok, after all, I was high, and nothing else mattered…

My name is Gresha, I am a wife, mother of 4 beautiful children, daughter, sister… I AM AN ADDICT. Those are 4 words I never thought growing up that I would say, but I am.  It happened to me and it happened to my family.

Approaching my 2 year sober anniversary, and as I look back on my life,  my addiction, and what I put my family through.  I get choked up, and still think “how did this happen to me?”  Truth is, it can happen to anyone, anywhere, anytime.  Addiction does not discriminate against race, religion, ethnic background, or how you were raised.  Addiction shows no mercy.

Growing up, I always thought of addicts as people on the street corners begging for money, living under highway overpasses, and walking the streets in a stoned out dazed.  Filthy parasites of society.  Until I became one.

Growing up my childhhood was amazing.  I lived with two parents, in a loving home.  I lived in a small town with a close knit community.  Both of my parents had good jobs and my brother, younger sister and I were well provided for. We never needed anything and a lot of times, if we earned it, we would get what we wanted. My parents taught us the values of good morals and values, and also that hard work will get you far in life.  We were disciplined when bad and praised when good.

Some of my best childhood memories are traveling the Upper Peninsula in the Mitten State, Michigan, in our family motorhome we called “EDDY.”  Camping in a different campgrounds every night, and swimming in Lake Superior and Lake Michigan with my brother and sister.  I always thought of finding a man that loved me as much as my Dad loves my Mom, getting married and living in a huge house with a white picket fence in the country on a dirt road with a huge back yard.  That dream and whatever dream my parents had for their first born daughter would soon become a living nightmare…

At the age of 15 I started experimenting with sex, drugs, and alcohol, and smoking marijuana would become an every day occurrence.  I would flunk out of the regular high school and have to start an alternative school.

It wasn’t until at the age of 18, when I was a junior, I found out I was pregnant. I forced myself to straighten out during my short 6 month pregnancy.  I went into labor at only 24 weeks along, and my little 1 pound 5 ounce baby boy would fight for 2 days, with myself and my family by his side, until he passed away in my arms. Burying my first born son, Austin, at the age of 18 would completely turn my life upside down and inside out.  The only way I knew how to cope with this unbearable pain that I can’t even put into words?  Drugs…

I want to tell you my story.  My story of loss, Addiction, and how I reclaimed my life.  Let me take you into my world and show you no matter how bad your own personal Hell can get, or how bad your own addiction can get, there is always a chance at recovery with the right help, resources and SUPPORT!  Addiction is the Devil and if you don’t do something to free yourself from his clutches, he will keep on burning you; but, as Aid In Recovery say it, “Break the chains of addiction!”  And YES we CAN!!

I have been at the moment of despair, denial, and anger.  There have been times in my addiction that I would lay my head down at night in hopes to end this agony I was putting myself and my family through.  There was a time that I was so tired and weak; I couldn’t bear to go on.  But I realized that my family deserves better and MY LIFE IS WORTH IT! My children are worth having the best mother, and my boyfriend deserves to have a better life because soon, he will become my husband.

It was time I started trusting in God, the same God I was so angry at for taking my son, I started putting my faith and my life in his hands. I prayed for him to release me of my struggle and relieve my family of this burden.  He gave me the strength to finally get clean and live the amazing life. My happy ending did come true; I am living with my now husband and kids!  I am in recovery.  It wasn’t easy, and I have ups and downs, but I did it and so can you!

I am here to help whether still sick with this disease or in recovery through my story of survival.  Because we CAN RECOVERY!!!

God Bless you all, have faith and keep fighting, as I do every single day!


27 thoughts on “Her Recovery Story

  1. To God be the glory!!! It is truly an amazing God that we are so blessed to have in our life. Good luck and God bless you and yours.

    • I wish I had your strength. I guess I am not ready yet..even though I want to be. I hate being weak. I say every day I dont want to lift that bottle…then within 24 hours, I cant stand the “wanting” of it…and make sure I get my fix. I know it is not drugs, but alcoholism is just as bad…….

      • People say to go to AA meetings…but I feel like I would be embarrassed by that, because I hear that the only reason most of them people go to them is because it is court ordered and I don’t want to be a laughing stock of the room, because I have a genuine addiction…

        • I already feel low enough for the actions I take when I drink, and I’ve already heard my family’s reactions as to how I change when I lift that bottle…I don’t need people that are “forced” to be in these meetings laughing at me in the process….

          • Carri, I am a member of AA and I can tell you from my experience from being in the program that I can relate to how you feel. I felt the same way when I first started going to meetings. But they said to “Keep coming back” so I did. A lot of things have happened to me over the last four years. Some great things some terrible things. But I did one thing even though I felt the same discomfort you did. I just “Kept coming back” and guess what happened? I’m still sober today. I was told I had to do the most uncomfortable thing to get something different. They were right I felt uncomfortable but I did get something different. “Keep going back” Carri and wait for the miracle to happen to you. It did for me. 😉

          • Carri, you are wrong about ppl in AA mtgs. Many are there of their own free will. I have attended for over 20 years and never under court order. Go, go today and every day for the next 90 days and see how you feel.

          • There occasionally are “court ordered” folks in the meetings I go to, but 99% of the folks in the meetings I go to are there because we want to be. Because to stay sober we need to be there. And also to be there for those who are still embarrassed to be there. Try it. I think you may find that it’s not how you think. I’ve been going for 17 years. I’m a nurse. You can do this.

        • You will NEVER be judged or mocked there. You will find NOTHING BUT LOVING SUPPORT and people that genuinely care and understand what we ate going through. Hang in there… as I’m still fighting as well….good luck honey.

        • Carrie, if your life depended on it you would go. It foes. Alcoholism is a fatal illness if left untreated. Please go. I will send good thoughts your way.if you have the desire to stop,find a woman to take you through the steps, and your life will change. Mine did, even though I just wanted to not be a slave any longer. Good luck hon.? you can do it!

        • Carrie that’s a excuse. Most ppl are there to get well. I’m not big on meetings anymore. But I’m still very involved in the Recovery world just on a different road. you don’t need to look at how different you are from everyone but how a like you are. Good luck.

      • I VERY OFTEN say the same thing…Let me finish this bottle. Let me get one more and I am done. Truth is I won’t ALLOW ME to be DONE. You have her strength. As do I. WE just have to want to change things within our lives. How long do we ride the Ferris Wheel? At some point we have to get off…and deal…with the present situation that we have allowed ourselves to be in…The bottle doesn’t change any situation. It just allows us to forget for a time. I am about to embark on the hardest journey of my life. For me, my kids and my Spouse. I am SO you…You can be as well! Don’t block your GREATNESS!!! I have done it for too many years.

      • Hey Carrie,
        Just some advice I found useful. Try out as many different AA locations as you need to, until you find the right one for you.

  2. Ty so much for sharing your story. Ive got 9yrs clean but I feel as if im living in a life of sure hell, lonelyness, darkness and dispare. Going threw some really hard times rite now with my 15yr old daughter that some are due to her actions and alot of bad things that have been done to her. So we are just struggling rite now to stay afloat and hopefully find Gods peace at the end of all this sure Hell we are walking threw at the moment. But your story does give me hope and I ty for that.

    • I am heartfelt in reading and I commend you on your 9 years clean as I embark on my journey towards becoming clean, healthy and whole. I too have had a lot of bad things happen to me at a very young age. Ruined me for years. Pray as you said you already do. The devil wants nothing better than to control and use you in your time of hardship. God see’s your heart…Some say that only the WORTHY are tested. Some say that to be tested is a blessing…Continue to believe, pray and listen to your heart. Whatever your daughter needs… Above all she needs her MOM. It may be difficult but this too shall pass. Stay strong…

  3. Thank you for sharing your story, it us not easy to do this and not feel shame. I am a drug addict….clean for near 12 years! Hard to believe now that it was a life I lived, but I did. While I tried many drugs including cocaine, crack, banging oxy (which made me deathly ill), to marijuana and excessive alcohol abuse, meth was my drug of choice.
    I have health issues today with my lungs and brain and I can’t help but wonder if it’s from the drugs I had done.
    Why I stay clean, I have 3 beautiful daughters and 2 wonderful grandsons, an amazing husband and great family who would never understand! They know about my past, and I lost all their trust, but they stuck by my side and supported me and seen me through to where I am now. I pray everyone will find a way through that darkness

  4. Ty. I am struggling. Have been, with, alcohol, for 5 long year’s. It has wrecked my life and I am tired. I have decided to go into treatment. Thank you for sharing you life, for your honesty.

      • Your testimony is powerful! Thank you for reminding me of the chase of the high I’m almost a year clean and sometimes I forget to remind myself of that horrible feeling there’s so much freedom in recovery and I personally owe All my freedom to Good for giving me strength each day!!congratulations on your freedom and restoration

  5. I’ve been sober for 10 years from alcohol but now I’m battlin anxiety and I am on ativan. I’m concerned that I’m addicted to the meds now and that defeats the purpose.. I only pray that God will see me through

    • Hi Thomas, if you want to call us and discuss treatment options, we are available 24/7. We work with treatment centers that offer dual diagnosis treatment along with helping you get clean from the Ativan. We’re here for you.

  6. Amazing heartfelt testimony, I myself am a recovering addict. 1 year sober, walking with God an my children are what gets me through it all,congratulations to you

  7. Hello all…to those who have sobriety, stay with it and hold onto what got u sober n the first place… for the still suffering like myself I pray we find whatever it is that we have not found or lack to see. Because if ur anything like me. My life is on the line everyday. I’ve been lost twice n still did not stop me from continuing down this road of loss and hurt. May god be with us all.

  8. I listen to all of your stories and I ask that you pray and ask god for anything you need in your life – strength, courage, hope, faith and whatever else you need in your life – I have a daughter and husband who are both addicts and I keep praying for all us, because GOD listens and he answers – my daughter will begin treatment beginning tonight – and I pray over & over again and will keep on praying to him – with GOD all things are possible. Good luck to all of you and may GOD be with you!

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